Kids Meals, Giving Blood, and Raking Leaves:
Creative Dating Tips for the Single Catholic

So, you are single, Catholic, and dating. Congratulations! You have tons of fun dating experiences ahead of you. But we also wish you good luck, because dating as a single Catholic can be a bit challenging. As a single Catholic, you may be looking for dating activities that are in line with your morals and convictions. Bars and dance clubs may not be your scene. But we have some tips for you to create fun, creative dates for you and your companion. Dating as a Catholic single doesn't have to be boring or unoriginal.

Single Catholic Dating Tip #1: Be a Kid Again
Go to a fast food chain and order a couple of kids meals--if you are both really hungry, get more than one each. Then take your kiddie meals to a nearby park or playground. Your local Catholic church may have one. Have a picnic with your kiddie meals--you even get to play with the toys that come with them. Once your food has settled, it's playtime. Hit the slides, the sandbox, the monkey bars. The swings are a particularly romantic piece of playground equipment.

Single Catholic Dating Tip #2: Create Something Together
Paint-your-own pottery places are popping up all over the place, and oftentimes on weekends they have specials for singles going on dates. Creating something together forms an imaginative bond between you and gives you something in common. It doesn't have to be painting pottery--you can plant a tree. Or draw chalk pictures on the sidewalk. Or bake a cake. It allows for a lot of time for conversation as you work.

Single Catholic Dating Tip #3: Take Me Out to the Ballgame
A ballgame doesn't have to be a professional sporting event. Look around for local sporting events at high schools or community centers. You can take in a Little League game together for much less than the cost of professional tickets, and you can get sno-cones and popcorn, too! Plus, it is a joy to watch children playing and having fun. It will spark conversations about your respective childhoods, and you will learn about each other. And if you are a single Catholic looking to start a good Catholic family, being around kids can help you feel out how your potential mate feels about children.

Single Catholic Dating Tip #4: Dinner and a Movie
Yes, it may seem like the boring old standard, but there is plenty of room to get creative. Cook the dinner yourselves! Begin by planning the menu, then shopping for the ingredients, then spend a few hours in the kitchen having great conversation as you cook up something yummy. After you enjoy your culinary creation, pop in a DVD and relax without the crowds, noise, and expense of seeing a movie at the theaters.

Single Catholic Dating Tip #5: Do Chores Together
That's right, do chores. Rake leaves, shovel snow, clean out the garage. Do it together--and do it for someone else, such as your elderly neighbor. Doing something nice for someone else is not only fun and good in and of itself, but sharing it with a date is a bonding experience like no other, especially for a Catholic.

Single Catholic Dating Tip #6: Have A Bloody Good Time
Similarly, you can do something good by donating blood together. It is less scary to donate blood as a pair than alone. You can get to know each other over juice and cookies, and the wooziness you feel might just loosen you up a bit so you won't feel so nervous about your date.

Single Catholic Dating Tip #7: Crash a Wedding Ceremony
Everyone knows that Catholic weddings are a sight to see. The flowers, the numerous bridesmaids, the dress. There is almost always a wedding happening at your church on any given weekend, so why not go check one out. You can see a beautiful, heartwarming ceremony and attend a full mass while you are at it. This date may not be appropriate for a first date, but it is a fun one for serious Catholic couples. If you are truly daring, you can even try to crash the reception. Get some ideas--because you may not be a single Catholic in the dating scene for much longer!

Source: http://www.catholicpeople.com/single-catholic-dating/index.asp

Flirting Tips for the Single Catholic Girl

Being a single Catholic girl in today's America can be rough. How do you make that all important first connection with a potential Prince Charming? You don't want to come across as too sexy or easy. But you don't want to be a wallflower, either! Flirting can seem silly or scary, but in reality, it is all about subtle, almost natural moves that can make you, and any fella, feel at ease. Once you are at ease, the conversation starts flowing, and the sparks may fly!

Flirting Tip #1: Make Eye Contact

Your parents probably taught you this one a long time ago, and making eye contact is just as important in flirting as it is in greeting Father Nolan on Sunday or shaking hands with your boss. Your eyes are your most expressive feature, windows into your soul, and the single Catholic girl should know how to use them. So, when you see someone you are interested in, let him know by catching his attention. Give him a subtle, gentle smile for five to six seconds, then drop your gaze. Do this every few minutes and he will know that it is definitely him you are looking at, and that you are definitely flirting with him. Eye contact, especially at a party shows that you are single and interested!

Flirting Tip #2: Smile!

Your second greatest physical asset, other than your eyes, is your smile. A happy smile is friendly, inviting, and memorable. It makes you attractive and approachable. Just make sure it is natural-looking and not forced. A big, natural smile will show that you are having a good time.

Flirting Tip #3: Luscious Lips

You don’t have to lock lips with someone to make them notice your kisser. People are attracted to moist, full lips because they are a sign of fertility. As a single Catholic girl, you can vamp it up with some rich, red lipstick or, for a subtler look, a high-shine lips gloss can make your lips look moist and attractive.

Flirting Tip #4: Touch Your Hair

Touching or flipping your hair will draw attention to a beautiful, pure part of yourself than men have always found alluring. A single Catholic girl knows how to twist, twirl, flip, and shake her gorgeous mane in a girlish, yet not immature, way that will make men notice. Keep their eyes near your face and eyes and away from any inappropriate glances.

Girl Flirting Tip #5: The Arm Touch

You know that electric feeling that sends tingles up your spine whenever your hand brushes against someone you like? Well, as a single catholic girl you can use that tingle to your advantage by purposely creating that intimate and exciting moment of contact by occasionally reaching out and touching the inside of a man’s arm. Don’t grab, don’t hit, just let your fingers lightly graze his forearm as you laugh or excitedly tell a story. The seemingly casual contact will show that you are reaching out and are comfortable with him.

Girl Flirting Tip #6: Nice Boys Like Nice Girls

Every good Catholic girl knows the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have done unto you’. If you are single and are approached by a man you find unattractive, unkind, or simply offensive, do not rudely brush him aside or insult him to his face. No smart single woman should ever treat a man that way, no matter how repulsive. Other men, men who might be more attractive and suitable, could be watching, and if they see you mistreat someone, they may not want to risk suffering similar rude rejection. Always treat others as you would like to be treated.

Girl Flirting Tip #7: Get A Little Help From Your Friends

Being single does not mean you are all alone out there. Not only do you have the Catholic community supporting you, but you have all of your friends on your side too. Get a few of your buddies to help you out. When you go out, have some of your girl friends help you observe. They may be able to spot a guy who is shyly checking you out before you can.

Girl Flirting Tip #8: But Don’t Become a Girl Gang, Either

Large circles of women intimidate men, Catholic and non-Catholic alike. A guy might be afraid to approach you for fear of being rejected in front of all of your friends. So, every now and then, you and your girls should break up and move around on your own a bit. Just take a quick spin, or go up to the bar to get your Coke as a single (read: not part of a gang) girl. Make yourself approachable (your girls can still be watching from across the room) and see what happens!

If you follow these tips, and if you show the world that you are confident, happy, and secure, you won’t be a single Catholic girl for long!

Source: http://www.catholicpeople.com/catholic-single-girl/index.asp

Catholic Nostalgia: What Do You Remember?

What does it mean to be Catholic? Beyond Holy Communion and the Baltimore Catechism and Holy Days of Obligation, being Catholic is being part of a culture, of a heritage. We were raised in houses filled with Catholic iconography: a crucifix in every room, figurines of the Virgin Mary here and there, maybe a stone statue of St. Francis in the garden.

When we were little, we looked forward to Palm Sunday because our grandfathers would make intricate woven artwork from the palms we received at church. We fidgeted in our pews on Sundays because we couldn't wait for the donuts and orange juice in the Parish Hall afterwards. We cherished our white gloves and white patent leather purses that we carried to mass each week, a tiny Missal tucked inside. We had our throats blessed on St. Blaise Day. Some of us went to Parochial school, some of us when to CCD every Sunday. We knew which patron saints to pray to, for everything from toothaches (St. Christopher) to sunny days (St. Thomas Aquinas). The smell of incense still comforts us like an old friend.

What are your fondest memories of growing up Catholic? Listen to some of these anecdotes of Catholic nostalgia, from people who enjoyed the unique childhood of a Catholic:

"Growing up, my dream was to go to Our Mother of Sorrows, the Catholic high school in my town. The uniforms (skirts and blouses, not jumpers), the perfectly-scuffed saddle shoes, the special grown-up little gold cross necklace I saw all the girls wearing . . . I longed to be as holy and happy as those young ladies were. Imagine my misery when my family moved away just after my Freshman year! But I will never forget the thrill of my first day at OMOS." Carol, age 50

"Growing up Catholic may have been a little more intense than it was for non-Catholic kids, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. All the Angels and Saints kept me safe from the Bogeyman and helped me find my glasses whenever I lost them. Thanks St. Anthony!" ~ John Michael, age 33

"I was a bundle of nerves on the day of my First Holy Communion. I had been looking forward to it for months. I was so excited about actually having the body of Christ inside me that I had knots in my stomach. Unfortunately, I was so nervous and so excited that I threw up all my cake and ice cream at my party afterwards. My aunt soothed my fears as I sobbed that I had vomited up Christ, that I was only 8 and I was already a bad Catholic boy. I'll never forget her telling me 'Honey, Christ is always with you, and he understands when you feel sick, and he helps you do what you have to do to feel better.' I still chuckle when I think of it, my aunt convincing me that Jesus helped me throw up so my tummy ache would go away." Peter, age 29

"The nuns were both feared and loved at my Catholic school, but they had very strict rules. We lived by the Horarium, which was the Latin word for our schedule. What's Parochial school without rules? I am forever punctual because of that schedule. It is also one of the few Latin words I remember." ~ Regina, age 41

"When I went to my first confession, I was terrified. At our church, we actually sat in front of the Father John with our hands in our laps and our heads down. None of those mysterious and anonymous little booths like they show in movies. I practiced and practiced what I was going to say when it was my turn, but all I could choke out was 'I hit my brother and I talk too much during class.' As soon as I said it, I felt like a fool. I had more sins than that! Would my soul be cleaned from all of them? I passionately recited my penance and felt a peace come over me. I knew that my sins were wiped clean, and I felt like the best little Catholic girl in the world." Margaret, age 24

"I think Catholic nostalgia is just as important as your current faith- where we come from shapes our faith. Every Christmas, my Great Aunt Verna sends us altar bread from her Polish church up in Pennsylvania. My grandfather breaks the colorful cardboard-like squares, each featuring a holy image of Christ or the Sacred Heart. We eat it with honey and horseradish. It wouldn't be Christmas Eve without Great Aunt Verna's altar bread." Madeline, age 26

Source: http://www.catholicpeople.com/catholic/index.htm

You Are Not Alone:
The Benefits of Being a Single Catholic Woman

To be a single Catholic woman in postmodern America (or any other civilization, i would say) is to face challenges, to embrace these challenges, and to succeed in love and in life. In this new century, the definition of what it is to be a single woman has changed from being a lonely spinster to being a fabulous, self-confident achiever. Role models such as the ladies on Sex and the City, while not necessarily living pious lifestyles, do enjoy empowered, independent lives. Yet these modern women still face ancient challenges- finding the right mate, entering marriage, and having a family.

A single Catholic woman faces these challenges along with everyone else, but it can sometimes seem that she faces more challenges than the rest. How does she balance being a single modern woman and a single Catholic woman? Yet the single Catholic woman has a support system that sets her apart from the rest. There are many benefits to being a single Catholic woman.

The Single Catholic Woman (Should) Has a Support Group

As a Catholic, no woman is ever truly “single”. She has the love and support of the Lord, of Jesus Christ, her parish community, and the entire Catholic community. At her parish she can find guidance, friendship, and encouragement. Many parishes have organizations for young single adults, where she can share her experiences with others and discuss the trials of dating. She might even meet a potential mate through such an organization. The catholic community serves as a family for the single Catholic woman, offering support, answering questions, and guiding her along her journey to find love.

The Single Catholic Woman Has God’s Own Version of “The Rules”

No need to listen to trashy magazines that presume to tell a woman how to snag a man. The Lord Himself offers His own advice when it comes to finding love, and the single Catholic woman can look to the Bible for lessons and tips on relationships. The Bible tells us how to know when we have found true love:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." I Corinthians 13:4-8a

The Single Catholic Woman Has Had Lifelong Education

Along with the Bible, a single Catholic woman has had a lifetime of education regarding the concepts of love, commitment, and family. Lessons all the way back in Sunday school taught the value of family and love in stories such as that of Sarah and Abraham, of Mary Magdalene, and all of the love that Jesus Christ showed us, his brothers and sisters, the children of God.

The single Catholic woman has been raised by the examples set by the Church--her own family and those in her community give her examples of what it is to be a happy Catholic family.

The Single Catholic Woman Knows What She Wants

Thanks to all of this support from her community, from her family, from the Bible, and from Jesus Christ, a single Catholic woman knows what she wants. She will not compromise her faith or her dreams. She sticks to her resolve and will one day experience the sacrament of marriage and enter into a new stage of love in her life.

Source: ahttp://www.catholicpeople.com/single-catholic-woman/index.asp

UnHappiness is JUST a Thought courtesy by Byron Katie

WHAT KEEPS YOU FROM BEING HAPPY?

The only thing that can keep you from being happy is a thought.

What a revolutionary truth that is! The kind of thought that interferes with happiness the most is a thought of lack, which is at the basis of all desire. If you didn’t think something was missing or lacking about you, someone else, your situation, or life, you wouldn’t be unhappy. Unhappiness is the belief that something is missing that you need in order to be happy. It is this belief that makes you unhappy—not the fact that something is or isn’t here right now.

The ego, which produces most thoughts (except functional ones), produces thoughts of lack. These turn into a desire (which is the thought “I want”), the desire is fed by more thoughts about what getting that or not getting that will mean, feelings (like fear) arise about that, and action is taken to try to fulfill the desire and waylay any fears. When desires are pumped up this way, they seem very real and important. We really believe we need what we desire to be happy or safe. This sense of lack makes the world go around, often in a not-so-happy way, but this brings us the lessons and experiences we need to evolve. This sense of lack is also the cause of suffering, and this suffering is totally unnecessary.

What do you believe is missing now? Take a moment to answer this question. This is the source of your suffering. What if you didn’t believe you needed this to be happy or safe or secure? Without this belief, you drop into essence, which experiences life as a blessing—and as trustworthy. Essence trusts—and knows—that life provides what we need, although not always what the ego wants. It would be impossible to provide everyone with what their egos want. What would a world like that look like? The Intelligence that we are provides each of us with what is necessary for the Whole to evolve and expand.

If we look with essence’s eyes, we can see how beautifully life has provided for us, even when it has brought challenges. Along with every challenge, life brings us opportunities, resources, and helpers. Do you notice the grace, the goodness, the support that life offers and has offered? The egoic mind doesn’t. It only notices lack because that is what it is about. It’s about creating problems and discontentment so that you stay involved with it. The egoic mind is the central challenge in life that we are meant to overcome. We are meant to see that the egoic mind, which we are programmed to trust, is untrustworthy and the source of unhappiness.

We don’t attain happiness by striving for what the ego wants. Striving is painful, and achieving what you want brings only fleeting happiness before discontentment sets in once again. No one has yet to attain happiness because happiness is a state—our natural state. And this state is discovered, not attained, by moving beyond the egoic mind—by seeing through it to the Truth. Who you really are is alive here and now. It is living your life, and the ego just pretends to be you. When you drop out of the egoic mind—or step back from it—you discover that the only thing that has ever caused you to feel unhappy is a thought. What a blessing to discover this because thoughts are just thoughts—they can be ignored, and we have the power to do that. We are powerful—not victims of life but creators, or co-creators, with the One Intelligence that we are. If you stop paying attention to thoughts, you discover the happiness that is here and has always been here.

Pieces - Office Politics from the Master.... A Wise Note indeed...

The secret to staying ahead of the games as a telecommuter is simple:

* Do not respond to any gossip emails from subordinates or peers. Pick up the phone so there is no paper trail.

* Respond to your bosses' emails by being noncommittal, or ask for clarification -- copy their boss in the reply.

* Do not send any emails you would not be happy for the whole world to read several times.


Three simple sentences, easy said than done. Especially when it is human nature to respond by curiosity and spurs of moment than wait and see and respond afterthought.

"SLEEP OVER IT" might be a good choice, too, especially when it comes to respond "emotional" emails or any.
Trust me, bad emails are hard to undone than spoken words and give bigger and more dangerous impacts than stationery mails, because it is easier to be distributed around, another spur of the moment thing.

Savvy Telephone Etiquette by Therese Droste

Monster Contributing Writer

Picture a cross between a magician and a linebacker. Calls are coming in, people are trying to get through to your boss. You use a little misdirection, a few stubborn blocking techniques and, voila, you become an effective assistant.

"Your job is to protect your boss -- be a time manager," says Val Williams, a business coach with Professional Coaching and Training in Edison, New Jersey. "And you're an asset by being the traffic cop for persistent people if you know your boss can't be indiscriminately interrupted for calls."

The key to an assistant's job is to be direct and tell the truth, stresses Williams. While it's tough when a caller is persistent, Williams says to think of it as a hockey game. "The persistent caller's goal is to get to your boss," she says. "But you have a goal too, to protect your boss." You need to respect the caller's persistence by recognizing he's merely trying to forward his agenda while simultaneously respecting your own agenda, which is to help prioritize your boss's calls, says Williams.

And that's where many admins snag a toe on the rug. While it's crucial for a boss and her assistant to be in alignment with goals, admins often don't have enough contact with their managers to know their priorities. "If you want to do an excellent job, you must encourage your boss to meet with you for 10 or 15 minutes every morning to touch base," says Williams.

During the meeting, ask your boss to list his most important challenges of the day. "You want to find out the things that are stressing your boss and then find ways to help out," says Williams. This information allows you to be proactive. "At a minimum, it means running guard on unimportant or unplanned phone calls for the boss, as well as finding out which phone calls are super important."

That's a nice concept, but what about the pushy caller who's called four or five times already this week? Be direct, advises Williams. Try something like, "I'm sorry. My boss has been really busy, but I want you to know I've relayed your message."

"Say no more than that," says Williams. "If the person berates you and says he's called four or five times, just state that you passed the message along so the person doesn't conclude that you're blocking access to the boss. You've done your part."

Also, watch your tone of voice, cautions Williams. Use a neutral voice with no charge or tone in it. If you're overly apologetic, you merely validate that this person has been wronged in some way, and that's not useful. "Then the person wants to pull you into alignment with him by agreeing that this isn't right, it shouldn't be happening, and your boss really should call him back," she says.

"A super assistant digs deeper and gets to the root of why someone's even calling," says Williams. If you find out why someone's calling and then provide an answer to the question right away, you avoid spending time dealing with a person's persistent calls down the road.

The other part of the equation is that your boss doesn't look so hot by not returning phone calls. "Talk to your boss and point out that someone's called several times," says Williams. "Offer to call the person back to say whatever it is your boss wants you to." For example, you could call the person back and say the boss isn't available for the next couple of weeks and to call back after that time. Or simply say your boss asked you to return the call and that, based on the business goals, your boss is not interested in the person's line of business. "If someone keeps calling back after that, they're just rude."

"The bottom line is you must be an assertive assistant," says Williams. "Tell the boss you think you can help him out, and ask him how he wants you to handle telephone intruders. Let the boss delegate some responsibility to you and run with it."

Seven Ways to Handle Your Dysfunctional Office by Margot Carmichael Lester

Monster Contributing Writer

Workplace dysfunction may be funny when you’re watching “The Office,” but it’s serious business when you’re trying to cope with it every day.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to bring you down. Nobody says dealing with dysfunction is easy, but if you follow this advice, chances are you can at least stay above the fray:

• Step Away from the Action: Start looking at your office as though it were any dysfunctional organization from movies or TV. “Sit back as an observer and watch,” suggests Donna Flagg, principal of learning and productivity specialist The Krysalis Group. “Do not participate...because the thing that makes dysfunctional behavior thrive is the participation of dysfunctional people. If you separate yourself, you remain on the ‘functional’ side of the line.”
  
  
• Remain in Control: One way to stay functional is to avoid returning fire -- no matter how under siege you feel. This allows you to control the people trying to control you, says Joel Epstein, author of The Little Book on Big Ego and CEO of Friction Factor. “Most ‘ego monsters’ want you to fight with them,” adds Epstein. “It makes them happy.”
  
  The solution? Throw the game and lose on purpose. “Let the ego monster think they’ve won,” he advises.
  
  
• Stay Focused: Concentrating on your job performance while others are engaged in less-productive activities can be an effective way of coping and advancing, says Heather Millen, a Boston-based marketing administrator. “Act how you think a professional should act, no matter how enticing it is to come to their level,” she says. “I once had a boss who thought things could only be done his way. But by sticking by what I thought was right rather than giving into his every whim, the working relationship grew stronger, and we each had greater respect for the other.”
  
  
• Tune Out: If you’re in a position to close yourself off from the insanity and negativity, do it, advises Erik Myers, a database administrator. “I wear headphones all day every day so that I don't have to listen to the insipid ramblings of my coworkers and how much they ‘love their fat-free salad dressing’ and ‘have you heard about this new diet where if you eat really spicy foods you can eat all you want, because it goes through your system faster and the heat actually burns calories anyway?’” he says.
  
  
• Enlist Allies: Sometimes it helps to find what career coach Marty Nemko calls “an island of sanity amid the maelstrom.”
  
  “Find one or two people in the workplace whom you like and can commiserate with, or even laugh at the others' antics,” Nemko says. “Decide among you whether you want it to simply be a steam-letting-off group or want to look for smart ways to improve things, if only in pockets. And keep your group under the radar -- no need for everyone to see you as a clearly identified cabal.”
  
  
• Look for Patterns: Studying -- but not obsessing over -- colleagues’ dysfunctional tendencies can give you an edge, Flagg says. Common patterns are discrepancies between what people say and do and inconsistencies in behavior.
  
  Sure, this familiarity may breed contempt, but it also yields a competitive advantage for you as well as a coping mechanism. “You can not only anticipate problems headed your way, but you can also use the insight to navigate the terrain in a positive and effective way,” Flagg explains.
  
  
• Leave: In the end, the best outcome may be to move on. “It's really the only thing that actually works,” notes workplace expert Billie Blair, author of All the Moving Parts and president/CEO of Leading and Learning. “Our research of these situations has shown that it's always the good and talented people that the organization loses when there is dysfunction, because they can go other places. Those who can't simply stay and manage to endure.”

Build a Great Working Relationship with Your Boss by Peter Vogt

MonsterTRAK Career Coach

One of the worst things you can do at your new job is to make your supervisor look bad for hiring you. After all, your boss is key to your current on-the-job satisfaction and to your future success in the organization -- and perhaps even beyond.

If there ever were a relationship for you to invest in, this is it. So here are five ways to get off to a great start with your new supervisor. Your efforts now will lay the groundwork for a productive working relationship over the long haul.

Watch and Learn

"The number one thing is to observe the company culture and your supervisor closely during your first few weeks," says Terese Corey Blanck, principal of College to Career, a career-consulting firm in suburban Minneapolis. "Keep your opinions to yourself until you understand the company culture well and know what people will look upon with favor and what they'll look upon with disdain."

Even something as simple as asking intelligent questions will make a difference in how your boss perceives you as an employee. "It's always better to clarify than to charge off and go completely in the wrong direction," Corey Blanck says.

Keep in Touch

Some bosses are very hands-on, keeping close tabs on you throughout your workday. Others may talk to you once a week or less often and send you on your way to do your job.

Whatever your supervisor's style, typically it's up to you to establish and maintain the lines of communication between the two of you. Using either email or the occasional stop-by-the-office visit, make sure you keep your boss informed with the answers to these questions:

• What are you working on?
  
  
• What have you finished, and what are the results?
  
  
• What can you help your supervisor with?

Look and Act Professional

Allison Hemming, author of Work It! How to Get Ahead, Save Your Ass, and Land a Job in Any Economy and founder of The Hired Guns, a Manhattan-based interim workforce agency, talks about a candidate she recently placed with a major investment bank -- quite easily, thanks to the candidate's background and skills.

"Two weeks into the job, we got a call from her manager, saying that she was doing a terrific job, but that she sometimes dressed inappropriately, in short, short skirts and open-toed shoes," says Hemming. "The manager asked me to have a chat with the person, because they really liked her and didn't want her attire to impact her ability to get promoted in the future."

The new hire was a bit shocked to discover her fashion faux pas were damaging her relationships with her supervisor and colleagues, but she quickly made the necessary changes to her wardrobe, Hemming says.

Demonstrate Initiative

Any new employee can sit around waiting to be told what to do. Why not be proactive enough to figure it out yourself so your supervisor doesn't constantly have to hold your hand?

"Take initiative to get something done when you see it needs getting done," says Corey Blanck. "It can be something as simple as taking a stack of files and going through them before you're asked -- anything to show that you're not beneath the small tasks that take up everyone's time."

"Come in early and stay late," says Stephen Viscusi, author of On the Job: How to Make It in the Real World of Work and a frequent workplace contributor on ABC's "Good Morning America." "You should be busy whenever you're starting a new job, learning the ropes, but even when you're not, perfect the art of looking busy."

Do Great Work

This might seem like painfully obvious advice for developing a solid relationship with your new boss, but it bears repeating. "Make your boss look good by, guess what -- just plain working hard," says Viscusi. "It's old-fashioned, but it really works."

Handle a Sabotaging Coworker by Beverly West

Monster Contributing Writer



We all like to think of our coworkers as friends, but what happens when you become the target of a coworker's dirty politics? Here are some strategies that can help you keep the peace without losing your edge, shared by fellow soldiers on the office wars' front lines.

Take Precautions

It is wise to have some good measures in place to protect yourself if you ever fall under a colleague's attack.

"Always have backup for everything you've done in case a coworker tries to place blame on you," says Aubyn Peterson, an administrative assistant for the Miss USA Pageant. For instance, save all emails with pertinent ideas you contributed and work you've done. "This way, you can be prepared to answer any difficult questions from your boss confidently, and it won't just be your word against somebody else's," she says. "You'll have written proof."

It's also important to remember the old adage about squeaky wheels getting the grease. "If you feel that a coworker is trying to oust you out of a well-deserved promotion, then do your job exceedingly well and make some noise," says Peterson. "Make sure your boss notices your excellent performance, and make doubly sure that your boss knows that you want to be promoted."

Rise Above the Drama of Coworker Sabotage

If you can, don't let your coworker's anger or frustration get to you. You don't have to play a major role in somebody else's drama, and your coworker's hostility doesn't have to undermine your positive self-image or job performance.

"My first instincts are to resort to a voodoo doll, a stapler or a tube of Super Glue, but I fight those urges and try to remain calm and peaceful," says Richard Ogawa, a sales and special events assistant for Broadway On and Off, a group ticket sales organization.

"I just avoid the situation," Ogawa says. "I don't give the person the time of day. I don't get upset. I'm not mean, and I try to feel sorry for him for being in a state of mind that triggers him to create drama to make himself feel better."

Laugh, If Possible

Try to find the humor, if any, in the situation. Ogawa has a few tricks he plays on himself to generate a little comic relief and defuse the tension. For instance, "whenever you want to yell ‘idiot,' yell ‘you superstar' inside," Ogawa suggests.

Try to Communicate

There are times, though, when avoidance and humor won't work, and you have no choice but to address the situation. "If it comes down to having to confront the coworker, try and approach the situation with logic, not emotion," says Peterson, who stresses that it is important for you to honestly make an effort to communicate with your coworker and try to see where he is coming from.

A Blog Posted by Singapore 's Youngest Millionaire by Adam Khoo

Some of you may already know that I travel around the region pretty frequently, having to visit and conduct seminars at my offices in Malaysia , Indonesia , Thailand and Suzhou ( China ). I am in the airport almost every other week so I get to bump into many people who have attended my seminars or have read my books.

Recently, someone came up to me on a plane to KL and looked rather shocked. He asked, 'How come a millionaire like you is travelling economy?' My reply was, 'That's why I am a millionaire.' He still looked pretty confused. This again confirms that greatest lie ever told about wealth (which I wrote about in my latest book 'Secrets of Self Made Millionaires'). Many people have been brainwashed to think that millionaires have to wear Gucci, Hugo Boss, Rolex, and sit on first class in air travel. This is why so many people never become rich because the moment that earn more money, they think that it is only natural that they spend more, putting them back to square one.

The truth is that most self-made millionaires are frugal and only spend on what is necessary and of value. That is why they are able to accumulate and multiply their wealth so much faster. Over the last 7 years, I have saved about 80% of my income while today I save only about 60% (because I have my wife, mother in law, 2 maids, 2 kids, etc. to support). Still, it is way above most people who save 10% of their income (if they are lucky). I refuse to buy a first class ticket or to buy a $300 shirt because I think that it is a complete waste of money. However, I happily pay $1,300 to send my 2-year old daughter to Julia Gabriel Speech and Drama without thinking twice.

When I joined the YEO (Young Entrepreneur's Organization) a few years back (YEO is an exclusive club open to those who are under 40 and make over $1m a year in their own business) I discovered that those who were self-made thought like me. Many of them with net worths well over $5m, travelled economy class and some even drove Toyota 's and Nissans (not Audis, Mercs, BMWs).

I noticed that it was only those who never had to work hard to build their own wealth (there were also a few ministers' and tycoons' sons in the club) who spent like there was no tomorrow. Somehow, when you did not have to build everything from scratch, you do not really value money. This is precisely the reason why a family's wealth (no matter how much) rarely lasts past the third generation. Thank God my rich dad (oh no! I sound like Kiyosaki) foresaw this terrible possibility and refused to give me a cent to start my business.

Then some people ask me, 'What is the point in making so much money if you don't enjoy it?' The thing is that I don't really find happiness in buying branded clothes, jewellery or sitting first class. Even if buying something makes me happy it is only for a while, it does not last. Material happiness never lasts, it just give you a quick fix. After a while you feel lousy again and have to buy the next thing which you think will make you happy. I always think that if you need material things to make you happy, then you live a pretty sad and unfulfilled life.

Instead, what makes ME happy is when I see my children laughing and playing and learning so fast. What makes me happy is when I see by companies and trainers reaching more and more people every year in so many more countries. What makes me really happy is when I read all the emails about how my books and seminars have touched and inspired someone's life. What makes me really happy is reading all your wonderful posts about how this BLOG is inspiring you. This happiness makes me feel really good for a long time, much much more than what a Rolex would do for me.

I think the point I want to put across is that happiness must come from doing your life's work (be in teaching, building homes, designing, trading, winning tournaments etc.) and the money that comes is only a by-product. If you hate what you are doing and rely on the money you earn to make you happy by buying stuff, then I think that you are living a life of meaningless

Are You Peeling the Layers of Ego ?

Spiritual enlightenment is not personal growth. True knowledge of the soul is different from trying to have a better and easier life. The path to enlightenment and the path to life improvement are not the same.

No one gets to the highest goal possible to humankind by trying to get richer, better or smarter. No, enlightenment is not reached by becoming more, but by becoming less. This basic fact is easily lost when spiritual language is used to sell just about anything.

Enlightenment is enormous grace, for which you can prepare by diligently peeling away layer after layer of disturbances, confusion and stress in mind and emotions. Of course this will give you a better life experience, one that will be solid and lasting - but it will do so in a particular way. It is the path of deep transformation.

You’ve probably heard the metaphor about ‘peeling the onion,’ removing layer after layer of what is not true in our thoughts and what is stressful in our emotions, so in the end the true Self can shine in its full brilliance. It is a process of cleansing and purifying, of letting go and inner discovery.

There is much confusion about this today. We are offered thousands of approaches for a better, more spiritual life. This of course is excellent. Everyone has the right to be happier, richer and more at ease. Use these approaches to become happier, richer and more at ease – for a time. But know that they won’t set you free.

The freedom of the enlightened state is much more than a good life. It is divine bliss, absolute freedom, complete love. It means to realize the Self that is one with the infinite and immortal consciousness we call God.

The desire for a better life or a more interesting spiritual story can’t give you that. At one point even the best life will be over. And then--unless you are truly free--you start all over again. And again and again and again. This is imprisonment, even if your jail cell is of pure gold.

The key to what I am saying lies in one thing - in our sense of self-importance, the ego. It is incredibly cunning. It is the shape-shifter par excellance, taking on any form at will to keep us unconscious so it can survive. It especially loves to co-opt a spiritual way of life. We hardly ever suspect it there, and so it is safe to survive.

I ask myself if any activity, no matter how spiritual and enlightened it may seem, adds to my sense of self-importance, gives me more ego. If so, I am building more illusion, not less. I imprison myself more by coming to believe how special and spiritual I am. This is the hidden danger.

This can be very difficult to see, because many of these pursuits are quite pleasurable and we get attached to them. "If it feels good, it’s got to be a sign that it is right for us," we think. Well, not necessarily. The question is not if it feels good, but if it feels true to your deepest yearning for freedom.

Lets’ face it: we all spend some time playing in the spiritual playground. Nothing wrong with that—until you are ready to get more serious about gaining your freedom. That is when suffering can be a blessing. It tends to focus us on what is essential.

The path to enlightenment is as radical as it is clear. It says you either dissolve your sense of self-importance--the ego--or you are strengthening it. All of us do some of both, so how can we be sure we dissolve more than we build? There are several steps you can take.

1. The most important safeguard is to deepen your genuine yearning for freedom. Everyone has it, but often that ‘small inner voice’ is drowned out by the loudness of our desires and fears.

2. Become aware of the possibility that what is offered to you as spiritual may be very interesting and alluring, but may not have much power to free you. It could in fact even strengthen your ego.

3. Strive assiduously to:
a. dissolve any stress in the mind by investigating judgmental thoughts and beliefs, and develop a sense of stillness;
b. strengthen and open the heart by dissolving stressful emotions, and open to a deep sense of devotion for life, or for your Beloved in whatever form.

4. In all the traditions, the guidance of a teacher, mentor or spiritual friend has been known to be of utmost importance. It helps you to navigate the difficult terrain of the ego and avoid its countless traps. A spiritual friend can point out the blind-spots you cannot see. And most of all this relationship, like no other, can strengthen the heart.

After many years of searching, practicing and testing I found two skills that are unique their ability to set us free. They are “The Work of Byron Katie” to clear the mind, and Presence and “Heart Awakening,” for using the amazing power of the heart for emotional harmony and self-healing.

These tools are as radical as they are enlightening. And of course they also greatly improve your life experience by dissolving the stress in the mind and the heaviness and ‘dryness’ of the heart. I know them to be the best medicine for depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and more.

By dissolving the stressful thoughts and emotions which are the root-cause of all pain, that pain can dissolve. This is necessary on the path to enlightenment, because all such problems are obstacles to realization.

And it is here, after you do the great work of setting yourself free from the unconscious elements in you that cause you pain, where you realize that the path to enlightenment is indeed the path to a better life. A life better by far than anything the ego could ever imagine.

Copyright: Annapurna I

Can Gossiping on the Job Really Hurt You?

We all do it from time to time. Whether it's complaining about the latest comp-time policy change with your coworker in the file room or dishing about the latest spat between the CFO and the clerk in purchasing, gossiping on the job is almost an inevitable part of corporate culture.

But is gossiping a positive way to build relationships, trade information for advancement and gauge the emotional health of the corporate community? Or is it akin to a toxic virus that spreads and ultimately weakens an organization's overall health, threatening your job security, chances for career advancement and professional happiness?

As with most things involving human interaction, there are two sides to this common coin. Use the following advice to ensure you don't let your chitchat get in the way of your career.

Peter Post, codirector of the Emily Post Institute and coauthor of The Etiquette Advantage in Business: Personal Skills for Professional Success, argues that there is a lot wrong with a little harmless gossip. "Gossiping and rumor-mongering add stress to the workplace," Post says. "Create stress in the workplace, and you create a situation in which people are not focusing on doing their work." This is why many companies have corporate policies that specifically restrict or prohibit on-the-job gossip and why management may not look kindly on those who engage in it.

But the overall effects of negative gossip don't necessarily suggest you should completely refrain from being in the know about situations around you. In fact, many psychologists believe that not engaging in a little office gossip can actually hurt your career.

Siobhan Mellor, clinical psychologist and author of the research paper, "Gossip -- the Nation's Favorite Pastime," believes that the right kind of gossip can be good for you. "Getting the latest gossip about the behavior of others helps build a social map for what is accepted, weird, bad -- and even what kinds of actions improve our status and what doesn't," she says.

Kate Adams, an editor who worked for a major New York publishing company, recalls being chastised in her peer performance review, because she had admitted to not being in the know about her boss's sudden resignation in favor of a new position at another house. "I thought the polite thing to do was to pretend that I hadn't noticed my boss leaving for long lunches and apparently going on interviews," says Adams. "As an assistant, I always tried to cover for my boss, and I thought that included not talking about her obvious job search. But my coworkers thought it was a sign that I was out of the loop and that I was somebody who wasn't going places."

Karen Kirchner, managing partner of Career Management Consulting based in Stamford, Connecticut, believes that you can indulge in a little on-the-job gossip safely and without guilt, as long as you follow these seven rules:

* Only gossip now and then, and be aware of who is listening.
* Don't spend too much time with known office gossips, or you may be judged guilty by association.
* Listen carefully, but say as little as possible. Don't appear to be an ambulance chaser or a tattletale so that you can be the one with the scoop.
* Work on the principle that whatever you say will be repeated. Think about the implications of this before you speak.
* Consider the source of gossip and the source's hidden motives. People sometimes plant information to manipulate a situation.
* Do not badmouth people; your comments will often come back to haunt you as alliances shift in the workplace.
* If something you say gets back to a friend or colleague in a way that you wish it hadn't, apologize and be honest. This is the only way of salvaging your reputation and limiting the damage.

by Beverly West
Monster Contributing Writer

Top 10 Ways to Get Fired

Most admins start their jobs with the best of intentions, never thinking they could be fired. After all, that's a fate reserved primarily for incompetents and workers caught with their hand in the company till, right? Wrong. You might not realize just how slippery the slope out the door can be.

Workplace Mistakes to Avoid

To guard your job security, be sure to avoid the 10 common pitfalls on this checklist from Jennifer Star, a New York City-based corporate recruiter and trainer specializing in administrative-support personnel:

1. Lie on Your Job Application or Resume: Tell the truth from the start, because you will be held responsible for the information you provide -- and your employer will check it. Generally, education background checks can take up to a month after hire. I recently had a candidate fired from a large financial company after being there for a month, because she lied about her educational background, says Star. This woman did not need a degree for her editorial assistant position but said that she has one anyway -- and one month later when the cat was out of the bag, she was immediately let go.

2. Be Indiscreet About Your Job Hunt: If you are in the market for a new job, don't send your resume from your office computer, which most likely is monitored by IT. Assume your instant messages (IMs) and emails are fair game as well.

3. Gossip or Take Lots of Personal Calls: You never know who is listening, and in cubeland, walls really do have ears. The safest bet? Keep gossip to yourself, and never repeat anything you hear. Winding up on the wrong side of the rumor mill can cost you more than somebody's trust; it can mean your job.

4. Taking Too Many Personal Calls Can Make You Look Just as Bad: Spending much of your work time orchestrating your own personal business, rather than your boss's affairs, usually results in being given an opportunity to spend all of your time on the phone on personal business -- looking for a new job, Star warns.

5. Drink at Work: One of the quickest ways to be shown the door is drinking too much at lunch and walking into a wall.
Administrative assistants must keep things organized, efficient and clear, so maintaining your own clarity is extremely important. Staying on top of the mountain of details that go into making a business run smoothly requires focus -- and sobriety.

6. Surf the Web Excessively: Spending much of your workday cruising around cyberspace puts you just a point-and-click away from unemployment. And checking out adult-oriented Web sites on the job is a definite no-no.

7. Become Romantically Involved with the Boss: While it may make for great watercooler discussion, a boss/direct-report romance can easily end with someone out of a job. (Hint: It's usually not the boss.)

8. Forget to Double-Check Your Figures: When working with numbers, scrutinize your work carefully. One stray zero could make the difference between being employed and unemployed, advises Star.

9. Alienate Your Coworkers: To do your job effectively, you'll need the cooperation, support and goodwill of those around you. If you don't have these things, you probably won't be an effective administrator. And becoming detached from those you work with could get you replaced with someone who can work well with others.

10. Point the Finger at Everyone but Yourself: Take ownership of your job. If you make a mistake, own up to it. Don't try to sweep your mistakes under the carpet -- or worse yet, blame somebody else -- because the truth will usually come back to bite you on the bottom line. And nobody wants to trust or employ a liar, says Star.